I have so many more happy things to write about like our trip to Tims Ford lake this weekend, the fact that Eric and Jen found out their having a girl or that Brianna used the potty tonight, but no. I'm sitting here going over and over something my husband has been telling me lately.
NOTE: This is going to get REALLY personal here! If you don't want to know don't read!
Jason and I are having a dispute over whether or not we should have another kid. I want another kid and he does not. He is dead set on us only having one and that's it. I have always wanted to have two kids. I just never thought of having just one. He keeps telling me it's not fair that I get to make that decision for our family and that I'm being selfish. He didn't say it in quite so many words, but I catch the drift. That just leaves me to wonder if I really am being selfish about this. I know that Jason does so much for our family from working night shift at Nissan, having dinners ready for us daily and most of the time taking care of the house. I know I haven't been the wife he probably wishes he would have married, but that's just me. I'm not a stay at home homemaker...which is NOT what he wants since he likes money. I work 8 hours a day plus an hour commute there and back. I feel like I do a great job taking care of my daughter for the most part all on my own because of our schedule differences. Granted, I don't cook or clean half as much as I should. I know he looks at other families where the wife works all day, comes home cooks dinner, takes care of the kids AND has the house spic and span. I CAN'T DO THAT! It's virtually impossible for me to do that! Maybe I'm just lazy, maybe I'm just retarded, maybe I just don't like to cook and clean!! Who knows, but I just know it won't happen! Yet, I feel like the most loser wife that has ever walked the earth! On top of that...I want to add to the problem by adding another child to the mix. If anyone knows my husband, they know that if we have another child and I can't handle it all on my own I will never be able to live it down. He will rub it in every chance he gets that it was "my idea". I realize this probably shouldn't be a blog entry as I know many people (haha) read this and may not want to hear how awful of a wife I am, but oh well. This is what is on my brain tonight. I can't get it out, so I thought maybe if I wrote about it I could sleep better.
Please don't get me wrong! Jason has very good and valid reasons to just stop with Brianna. She is the most precious little girl and we have had virtually no problems with her (knock on wood) so far. She was a wonderful baby and is as good as a 2 year old toddler can get. I have caught myself wondering if I indeed want to go ahead and have another just for the sheer fact that we've bound to have a hellian! On top of that, I don't know for sure myself if I could handle two kids alone hellians or not. UGH! I just feel like such a loser tonight.
Sorry to be such a downer!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
You're not a loser wife! I think we all feel that way at this point in life. Seriously. It's a busy, busy time! We have kids that are old enough to make big messes but still little enough that we have to do pretty much everything for them. We work hard all day, and then find that there are a million things still waiting for our attention. You're not a loser. It's just not easy. And you're right, a second child isn't going to make it any easier...but if it's what you want, you CAN do it! And you can do it well! I'm finally learning that I can, as I take on my challenges around here one at a time and commit to a life of doing whatever it takes to be the person I need to be. If I can do it, you can do it. Trust me!
As for Jason, I still say he knew before he married you that you've always wanted 2 kids...and he went with it then. He's the one being selfish if he wants to back out on you now. Sometimes you just miss your chance to say things in this life, you know? And sometimes it sucks really bad and you end up with some outcome you've decided you're not totally in love with. Been there, done that. Maybe it runs in the family! Haha! But the fact remains that he agreed, or at the very least he loved you enough for it not to matter. He needs to suck it up, get over it, and be the man he convinced you he was when you were dating. Otherwise you've got bigger issues than how many kids your gonna have! And I love you both dearly. I'm not picking sides here. It's just, in my opinion, one of those things you can't go back on.
I love you! And you know I'm here if there's ever anything at all I can do to help.
You are not a loser! If it is meant to be, it will happen...
Lisa I LOVE YOU!!!! You are an awesome person, great wife and a wonderful mother.
I agree totally with Kris on this! you are so not a loser and you are a wonderful wife and mother! Jason is very lucky and should count his blessings each and every night! not to be mean i'm just being honest but the only thing a second kid would add onto him is a little less in the budget. when youre talking in the grand scheme of things children are your life's work, your legacy and God entrusts their care and lives to us as parents and each child is a gift from Him and i'm sorry but whether Jason wants a second kid or not if God wants you to have one then you will....He just kinda has the say so over matters like that...funny how He works! hang in there Li and pray! if a second child is what your heart desires then pray to God for one pray that He softens jason's heart and pray that God's will be done not jason's or yours but His will...thats where you really want to be anyway.
I'm not hatin on anyone just bein honest guess God just blessed me with a big mouth! haha!
Love yall! ; )
Post a Comment